We Few, We Happy Few, Resilient Of Heart

To The Crazy Ones,

I debated whether to write a letter to this community, for we are always in so much transition and there are so many farewells and send offs. But I realized that I had to, if not only just to be able to say it once. Today is my last day at Invisible Children. I walked through the doors three days late to Congo Tour January 2011. Kelsey had called me the Friday before and offered me an ambiguous job as a Movement Intern and I told her yes-I would come. It was terrifying to get on that plane, for I had no idea what would meet me upon landing in San Diego. Beks picked me up from the airport, Bryce was house dad and I thought I had joined a commune (#soserious).  I didn't know if I fit…I wasn't a hipster…goodness I didn't even know what that meant! I felt too stiff for the environment and although I was awestruck by the work ethic, belief and crazy didn't know if I had what it took to last.

But something happened: I fell in love with everyone. This cause I had cared about since I was 19 was now my real life and I was heart deep in the pursuit of ending the LRA. Very quickly the family of Invisible Children and the work we've pursued became part of my DNA

Over the past 2 ½ years when sharing stories of this place with friends and family I always say “ _____ is so wonderful” / “______is amazing” and people look at me after 10-15 minutes and say “ You've said that about everyone”. I've always answered “well, it’s because it’s the truth”. What I have realized and, what Jed said so well at his send off, was that it’s not that this place and these people aren't real life. It’s just what humanity and real life should look like. We are so lucky.

To This Family-

You have challenged, inspired, humbled me and caused me to rise higher- and to dig deeper. You've celebrated my nostalgia, sentimental personality, love of parties, and pursuit of whimsy. I have never felt more liberated and freed to be exactly who I am than I have since stepping into this community. You stood with me when I lost my uncle and surrounded me with the most beautiful love I have ever known. The seasons of my life you've saturated will stay with me always.

I am leaving the daily work of Invisible Children because I feel strongly that God is leading me into a new season. Even though I have no road map for next steps, I now know what I am capable of, and it’s not because of what I will list on my resume. It is because of you.  Each of you have changed my life- and impacted my story. You have seen me, loved me and taught me what it means to truly live.

My intention is to carry Narnia with me to all places, for it’s a magic that shouldn't be held too tightly to our chest. But more than the magic, I will take the fight for justice, the work ethic that defies any status quo, and the belief in people and their potential.

Thank you for every way you've caused me to ask the hard questions and pursue truth. So proud to be alongside you in this journey called life.

Love you to the moon & back.

Suz

“If you are what you should be – you will set the whole world on fire”  St. Catherine of Sienna

Superheros...They Are All Around Me.

Eight days ago the Fourth Estate Summit happened. 

When we started the planning process six months ago, it was evident that it was going to be bigger, more complex and harder to pull off than the first one (times 100) and I knew that I needed an incredible team alongside of me. God knew before I did, every person that would need to be along for the ride to make it a reality. The Wolfpack assembled and this group of people has actually rocked my world. #Avengers

For the past five months we worked on the logistics and experience of a 4-day Summit with 1,500 participants that contained: 

• 5 Main Sessions 
• 15 Breakouts
• 8 live shows (concerts) 
• Dance (Club) Event for 1500
• VIP Fundraising Event for 250
• Common Good Exchange ---60 incredible organizations that came together for a "fair" type event

I told someone the other day we couldn't really define it as a conference  and they said " no-- it was definitely a Palooza" ;) perfect words. 

Hans Zimmer (yes the Hans Zimmer & team) composed us an original score for the event It was real and beautiful--listen here. , Samantha Power was our closing guest speaker,.....we had dynamic speakers and panelists throughout the weekend and in general it was so beautiful you could hardly believe it was real.

My head and heart can't actually comprehend what just happened, what we pulled off together. The team at Invisible Children is extraordinary. Not just because of the people that compose it, but for the countless ways people become superheros in their service of others, the boundaries they push to make magic, the attention and intention that encompasses every detail.  

I walked away with an even deeper profound love for this community and the future of Fourth Estate. It is a belief and collective of people that can actually change the world. If you don't believe me....listen to that score and then tell me you're not ready to go fight for justice for all. 

Rooted in every person creating it was the pursuit for it to be unlike anything ever before...... and it was. Through dedication, sacrifice, and challenging ourselves to do one better....four days unfolded that will have an impact we may never fully realize. Working alongside the team at Invisible Children was something that has forever changed me. I've been with this amazing community for 2 1/2 years and I've seen miracles happen countless times. This was just different. Because when you believe you've reached your personal limits, there is a beckoning call to rise higher, to dive deeper, push a little harder. Everyone answered that call and together we created something that was life giving and profound.  

It was beautiful...and we did it.

Worlds Colliding

When I was seven years old my youngest sister, Gina, was born. She came dancing into a family full of women and changed my life. 

(Apparently my life story is destined to be brimming with beautiful and extraordinary women.) She is the youngest of five girls and though born with countless obstacles, she has only taught us all everyday to live in the moment, and to appreciate the simple glories. 

This past Thursday, she boarded a plane headed to San Diego, CA for her first solo trip ever and as she proudly exclaimed  a " Free Woman". I had been beyond excited for weeks for her arrival, but the past few days have been more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. They were three cherished days, not just because my sweet sister and I were together, but because of the way my community loved her. 

Spending two full days working with me at Invisible Children, the joyful, sincere appreciation of her spirit was a beautiful example of why I love these people so very much. Everyone from my team to director- was thoughtful, inclusive and so loving. It's not that I expect anything less from them, because they are wonderful. But that type of love is a choice and speaks to the true character of people- especially when it's directed at someone who others can easily look past, not engage with or appreciate the light & love she has to offer. To see not only all of her beauty appreciated- but everyone go out of their way to make her trip an adventure was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life . 

My worlds collided over the past few days and I am so humbled by the example of love that was made evident through my friends, roommates, and co-workers. Needless to say, San Diego, together we made her first solo trip a success. I love you for all the ways you loved her. 

 Thank You and I Love You Too. 

Suz

Redeeming Love

Have you ever thought about redeeming love? Or radical grace? I hadn't until this past year and here is why. 

For as long as I can remember I felt like I was at war. Even as a child, it was this feeling of perpetual battle. To stay light, to stay joyful, to somehow believe in good when so much sadness and pain surrounded me. I was determined to believe in love and in the goodness of people even though my circumstances didn't reflect that. My story, like everyone’s, has so many layers. 

Last year after I lost my uncle to cancer, my grief, at times, has been overwhelming and close to unbearable.  I know it's partially because he represented a sense of home and a true north in my life, and I never imagined my lifetime without him. But it’s also because it triggered other loss I never fully grieved. The grief  my childhood held:  of the abuse I experienced at a young age,  my parents’ divorce,, the loss of the relationship with my dad, and being on my own at seventeen….. to name a few. Last Fall I bought my first self help book, on grief nonetheless. As I read it there was a whole chapter on complicated bereavement. Or as one of my best friends termed, compounded grief, as I read those words….. it clicked. 

The loss of this person in my life had triggered so much pain that had been lying dormant for so long. I realized that I had been like a wounded soldier walking around with bullet holes, but charging on with no awareness to my very real limitations. (Or massive denial)  But when there is nothing left to distract you from the reality, there is no choice but to turn the mirror on yourself and see the damage. What you thought was painful ends up being total heartbreak. Many people do not know my story, and it’s not because of shame, or trying to live another life. It’s made me who I am- every broken, joyful, complicated, stubborn, letter writing, whimsy loving part of me. I am thankful for the experiences I've had along this journey because in this lifetime I can see people in pain and relate. Empathy is a real thing and it's powerful. 

Tonight as I sat listening to a song by Hillsong called, Oceans- Where my feet may fail, it was as if these words had to leave my heart and make it to this page. The past twelve months of my life have radically changed me and my faith. I literally have cried probably an entire water tower full of tears this last year. They've come from sadness, joy, weariness, hope and the very real grace that the Lord has washed over me.

Amidst the chaos that was my youth, I have such a powerful memory of being fourteen and knowing that I stood at a crossroads for my life. That I could choose to walk down the path that circumstances were drawing me down, or to trust God enough to pave a new road, and I chose that day to trust Him.  I have fallen, and hijacked His plans so many times. At times I’ve even left the journey all together. But last year He came to me in the valley, took my hand, said hello, and started walking with me again. He had been right there the whole time but I wasn't paying attention. Silly me.

I share these small parts of my story to really expose the power of the Lord’s redeeming love and His grace that changes the game. People have experienced far more devastating battles and circumstances than I, but I do know that for me and my story, standing where I am today did not happen by my own strength. The past several months of my life have felt divinely set up. From books that were literally written to me, friendships that touch your soul, incredible opportunities, evident healing happening within my family, to seeing God use the utter brokenness of my heart and restoring it to a depth I didn't know I possessed.

Being aware of God’s very real movement in your life is like witnessing a master artist paint an extraordinary piece right before your eyes. The ordinary becomes breathtaking and you can see Him in all things, in the smallest most ordinary moments.  It’s humbling to see how He can take the shattered mess of your heart and start to create something beautiful out of it. The power of redeeming love cannot be captured by words. But His pursuit of my heart has been an experience unlike any I’ve ever known.

I do not know how long it will take the battle wounds to heal, but they are. Through grace, redeeming love and pursuit of joy(#whimsy2013), the heartbreak is being used for good. My feet may fail but I believe the Lord is right there ready to catch me before I fall.

Next time I sit down to write I hope the words that need a life are defining Whimsy 2013 or the dream team I get to work with everyday. But for now, this is what needed a platform. Take a minute and pay attention tonight. Breathe deep and know you are loved beyond anything you can possibly imagine.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"- Hillsong

Listen Here

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior


I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine. 

Mending.

I have this blanket. It's fleece, brown, rather ordinary and has been with me through every cross country move,  and new adventure over the past five years- not to mention countless days I've spent under some big tree, pen in hand pouring out my heart on paper. It's been around for some scary and beautiful adventures, and plenty of heartbreak. The kind you want to wrap yourself in with a good cup of coffee in hand, sit on a porch somewhere in the woods and just breathe. Recently, after traveling without it for nearly a month I came home and couldn't find it anywhere. I was not just baffled that I couldn't find it, but by the loss I felt in it's absence. As if a close friend had left me. After three weeks it made its' way back and I felt a wave of comfort just in knowing it was there and now appreciated it so much more than I had before. So many things in life are like that aren't they? 

Initially I didn't start writing to process through this attachment I hold to this particular blanket. I was thinking of our stories. Top of the world moments, valleys that nearly swallow us and quiet in between's when we are not sure of what is coming. Stories that tell of people that change us, of lives that intertwine and moments that define us. 

I can't wait for the story of this year to unfold. I am in love 2013. I love it. The road ahead is  like walking along a dirt road during twilight in the middle of summer. It's empty, lovely and holds a special kind of magic.  Not sure what is coming but breathless in anticipation for the unknown. Last year was a battle field, while this year I believe is going to be full of magic, whimsy, and the pursuit of joy. I find myself mending and while that in itself is full of curve balls, the subtle joyful anticipation of the unknown is healing in itself. 

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked." Kahlil Gibran

After experiencing sorrow, joy takes a whole new shape. It comes in the form of quiet mornings, new friendships, an encouraging text, a stunning sunset, the newest single by Josh Groban- it takes so much less for joy to touch your soul. Your appreciation is so much richer. Hope finds it's way into your world again and it's wonder can startle you. It was that close friend you thought you had lost...... but are so very thankful came back to you. 

Unlike Any Other

2012 has been one of those years you never could have seen coming, but had been slowly been preparing for your whole life. One of those years where everything within you is challenged. A year where the universe is waiting to see if you can withstand the storm and God is waiting with open arms to catch you when the burden is too heavy. Looking back at pictures from the beginning of the year I can see the pure naivety of what was coming. Smiles that were true and excitement that was tangible- hope that flowed. In every way, I was as together and strong as I had ever been, which in turn translated that I was prepared to take on the biggest battle of my life so far. 

By Spring my beloved Uncle James had been battling Stage 4 cancer for eighteen months. "Uncle" doesn't do the role he has in my life justice. For he was friend, mentor, hero and father. He was one of those rare spirits whose magic touches everyone they meet with their warmth and open arms. Through a drink and a spot at the dinner table he could make anyone feel known. Both him and my Aunt Martha have this uncanny ability to just love people in the most authentic way. Something I am forever grateful for.

I knew he was deeply ill and that it was possible that we could lose him, but it didn't seem real. How could there be a world where he didn't exist everyday? 

I called my older sister on a Thursday late morning, the last week of March. The calls that happened in the next hour ....changed everything. The doctors had told him the news of where his health was at, and he made the decision to let things happen naturally and stop fighting. Within hours they were calling family to get there as fast as they could. The rest of that day is a tear filled blur. I got to Portland and to his hospital room by midnight, and as he woke slowly I knew it was the end, you could feel it everywhere. 

Over the course of the next few days I watched as my extended family descended upon the hospital and then hospice home for my uncles final days.

I can't talk about those days yet. It was undoubtedly the most beautiful way for him to say goodbye and the most heartbreaking experience I've ever had. 

We didn't know exactly how much time he had, and I made the decision to head back to San Diego.  I remember standing outside of his room pleading with God to make it not real and to somehow grant me the strength to say goodbye to this man I loved so very much. He did and I was engulfed in the most real peace I've ever known. My uncle woke as I came to say goodbye. He looked me straight in the eye as I told him I loved him and kissed the top of his head one last time. Walking out of that room was the single most difficult thing I've ever done. 

On April 3rd he left this journey to start another. 

The weeks and months that have followed that early morning have been the hardest I've ever known personally. Pain, loss, depression, grief....are very real things. For someone who prided herself for always being the strength in the storm...I had finally fallen apart. Someone asked me how I felt over the summer and I remember saying that it felt like I was a glass pitcher someone had thrown and shattered, and then had been hap-hazardly glued back together. 

I can't even write this without big tears- this year flipped the switch on weeping for yours truly. But I am daily overwhelmed by gratitude for two things. 

First. That I had someone like that to say they were proud of me. That they loved me.  

Secondly. I have never felt the presence of God more powerfully than I have this year. He's been right there through every step of this journey. 

My heart is still broken and goodness do I feel tired. But astoundingly grateful for his life. Last April,  I led his funeral mass in several prayers and as I looked out into the crowd of 500+ gathered to honor his life I knew our lives had been graced with someone unlike any other. He was an ordinary man who loved extraordinarily. A gift I hope to carry throughout my lifetime. 

I don't know exactly how to navigate this journey except take it day by day. Some are better than others. But I am so grateful. Sad but grateful. 

I share all of this to encourage you to tell the people you love...that you LOVE them and cherish those simple quiet moments. Take the time to make that phone call, send that letter- because you truly don't know what will come and it matters. If you are in the midst of a painful journey, know that there are others there too. Remember to breathe deep and take another step. Keep moving. 

In the beautiful brokenness of 2012, I have learned the importance of real love and friendship. 

Always, 

Suz

Detours & The Road That Meets You

 When I was a teenager and dreamed of the things I would do in my twenties I envisioned traveling, getting married, finishing college, making first time adult purchases like buying a house, a car and of course would be on my way to financial stability. I've watched as nearly every friend I grew up or graduated high school with has gotten engaged, married, or is expecting their first or second child. If you know me, one would expect that I would have gone down a very “normal” path- with a splash of adventure thrown in. What I didn’t prepare for was the plan God had for my life- the truly extraordinary journey that lay ahead.

I have none of those things I listed above. At twenty six I am most definitely off the normal track I expected my life to follow. As a fourteen year old, in the midst of my parent’s chaotic divorce, this teen signed up for a study on the Holocaust for an entire summer with the University of South Florida. I spent the entire summer learning of mass genocide- of injustice- which looking back was a pretty remarkable subject to spend my summer researching since I was being exposed to the tragic injustice that existed within my own world. Years later I can now see that those few months of learning truth about global injustice and human suffering combined with learning about the father I thought I had, started me down a path that led to the journey I am currently on.  As a nineteen year old college freshman I watched Invisible Children’s Rough Cut. Little did I know that five years later the stories and movement behind that documentary would change my life.

Young Activists march through the streets of DC for peace

Do you ever look back and think of how certain moments or decisions transformed the path you were on? I’ve had those moments many times in 2012. There were so many things that have led me to be apart of Invisible Children and working to end the LRA’s atrocities. This past weekend the people I have worked hard alongside of for two years pulled off an event of not only historical proportions but extraordinary impact. Thousands of young people joined us in Washington D.C. for an event called MOVE:DC  we invited world leaders and representatives from the EU, AU, UN, ICC, US, CAR, DR Congo, Uganda, South Sudan and Sudan to attend the first ever Global Summit on the LRA. We marched through the streets of Washington D.C. joined by thousands of young people, a sea of red- filled with joy, hope and linked together by a common dream of justice. We merged cultures with thousands and made true the belief that our universal language is dance.

Global Dance Night

 Being a part of facilitating the event there were few moments to stop and experience what was happening- but when I did stop and take it in I was so unbelievably proud and humbled to be a part of this movement. I always am.

My friends- co workers-sisters

I work with some of the worlds smartest, compassionate, dedicated and creative people in the world. People who could be doing anything with their lives, but they choose to fight on behalf of others. But this weekend was different. We did it. We pulled it off- and did so on an extraordinary level. I was able to meet students and teachers from all over the country that I have been working with for over a year and there are no words for how much I respect and believe in them. This weekend I met world leaders, facilitated small events, and worked alongside the greatest team in the world. This weekend was made for the courageous and I am honored to be living an unpredictable life. It may not be the “norm” but I am head over heels in love with it. 

Truth

 One day I will get married, buy a house/car, have children but when those things unfold I will be the person I was meant to be- not just the person I could be.My life will also be full of adventure, big dreams and beautiful friendships I could have ever anticipated. I am just so thankful that my life went off course and that this is the road that met me. 

MOVE:DC 

The Hurricane Will Blow Over

When I created this blog and thought of a url for it I didn't really fully understand the weight of what "moments that make your life" meant. I can look back and see all those beautiful, difficult, joyous, exhausted moments that compose my life thus far. But what I have learned in the past two weeks is that every moment is defining who you are. A little over a year ago I boarded a plane to San Diego CA to start working with Invisible Children- but I nearly didn't get on the plane. My head almost over ruled the call in my heart....almost.

Whatever course of life I was on in that moment, the moments that had led me there, were re routed. The doubt and "what ifs" plagued me the entire 15 hour journey to San Diego. But there was an undeniable quiet whisper echoing in the deepest part of my heart that it was right, that it was time to go. That it would take more courage for me to board a plane into an unknown- uncharted chapter than it would not to.

This past year I have worked harder, loved more, learned more and been challenged to greater depths than I have ever been in my twenty-five years. But walking into what you deeply know is apart of your destiny shouldn't be easy. The past two weeks have felt like time suspended- where it sped up and slowed down making everything magnified. Two weeks ago IC launched a film online with the hopes, that along with other highly important parts of the campaign, that the film would receive 500,000 views. Within less than 14 days- over a 100,000,000 have watched it. ( I typed out all those zeros because it blows my mind). For some reason this moment was different, and it struck a cord in the universe. We woke up the world to one of the worlds worst criminals and asked them to stand beside us in the work to bring him to justice. No details are necessary for how crazy it's been. All I do know is that within about 24 hours of our work being known on an international platform- a hurricane of goodness- of skepticism ensued. It was easy to see that everything so many people had worked for was happening, but on a scale none of us could comprehend.

There will be many moments of the past two weeks (probably the rest of this year) that I will not remember well. What I will remember is how much I have learned about the goodness of the human heart, of a person who stands firm in courage for a fight greater than themselves. That when the hurricane ensues you stand at the epic center screaming at the wind and rain "DO YOUR WORST" .....for ours is a fight for the safety, peace and restoration of others. That through fighting on behalf of others who have no voice you find your own. There is no question in my mind and in my heart that goodness and truth wants to be the loudest in the room, but it is almost nearly drowned out by the critics and the skeptics for they have been robbed of their simple belief that humanity can be good. The courage it takes for goodness and love to be the loudest in the room in the face of adversity is great- but that moment has arrived.

I keep imagining the past two weeks as a Hurricane, and although not the biggest fan of FL, having over ten years to experience first hand what a hurricane is like I can safely say they are one of the most incredible natural disasters. There is an electrying urgency in the air for days before they arrive- an anticipation so palable you touch it. Clouds gather- then scatter. It rains, it's sunny. People prepare for the moment it arrives, precautions for self and home are taken, and families gather together to wait it out. It can come in the night or middle of the day- there is no exact timing. But when the eye of the storm passes over you....it is intense. Your body tightens with anxiety and you have to work to calm your heart. For in those moments you have done everything you can to prepare- and now it's not up to you. All you can do is stay together, ready to protect one another at a moments notice or be ready to move quick and efficiently if need be. You never know what it will require of you. The rain comes down hard, it beats the side of the house, rips trees, floods streets, washes away homes, takes down power lines- total destruction in some places. But for the vast majority, if you take a deeper look, you see families gathered together, ready to battle mother nature fiercely if necessary.

But then......the hurricane blows over. What is easily forgotten about hurricanes is the days that come immediately after. They are also some of my most favorite days. The wind is a beautiful calm, the air so clean and crisp as if it was a new beginning. Families spend more time together than usual because all of the distractions are aside, the weather is stunning, and hope fills you- because you weathered the storm with all it's unknowns.

Who would have ever though that fighting injustice in it's greatest forms of evil would not bring on a hurricane of great proportions....certainly not Martin Luther King Jr, the Freedom Riders, or any of the brave human beings in history that found their voice. That made their voices drown out the critics- the skeptics. For they knew in their moments of time that their cause was too great, too important to not push forward til the storm passed.

When I boarded that plane a year ago- this is not the story I could have seen being written. A chapter that I could not have predicted, a hurricane I didn't know I needed to be prepared for. But what is ironic and brilliant is that all of those moments that led me here and the quiet whisper in my heart prepared me for this time. I am proud to be in the eye of this storm with the people that have prepared for it, fought for it and have the courage to be louder than the critics. Because when the hurricane blows over, this family ( a bit larger than most) will be found intact. A bit tired from all the wind, rain and thunder but renewed in what is to come next.

-Suz

Minting

I read a novel last year where the story was of a coin going through the "minting" process. Last month as I reflected on 2011 I realized that was what last year was for me. A time to be stretched, challenged, exhausted, pushed and to see what and where my abilities truly lie. As 2012 unfolds the theme that keeps presenting itself is "refinement". Refining where your already at can be more difficult than the process that got you there in the first place. I am looking forward to the process though....because somehow I was given the chance to live out a job that answers to dreams of my heart.

Thinking of a few years back I literally threw myself headfirst into what I knew would challenge me. Knowing there was more to my story, more of what my life could look like I went searching. ( in the sense that i sold my car, quit my job, moved out of my comfortable condo with the most amazing closet) While having what can only be described as a carefree adventure of your early twenties- a confidence showed itself and equipped me for what was about to come. Where I am at right now couldn't of happened without my nearly two years of traveling, working and soul searching. I wonder though who I would have become if I hadn't dared to just go looking for my story?

As you see change take place within yourself, and when you are far more daring than you expect.... my question is how do you sustain that? I don't want the quest to find all that life holds to be limited to my twenties, but to carry the momentum throughout my life.

I never want to stop being stretched, to become complacent.....I always want to stand facing life with open arms at the edge of the cliff saying "I'll jump" ...because it is then that you find what you are truly made of.

So if you haven't found yourself in that "minting" process go search for it. Because what you will find at the end is surprising and will forever. change. you. Find something that answers the whispers of your heart and people to be alongside of you on that journey. If it is anything like mine it will awaken you in ways never anticipated.

Love.Life

LOVE LIFE: The Tale of Steve Fugate from Erin Henning on Vimeo.

Unexpected Brilliance

Brilliance....how would you define it? Right now I would say it's knowing you are exactly where your meant to be, although you may have no idea what lies before you. Three weeks ago Invisible Children offered me a position for this Fall as Lead Movement intern. My heart & intuition screamed YES, but the more practical side of me needed some time. Time to think and weigh out if it was the most practical decision. It took my best friend asking if I didn't stay would I regret it? Knowing that with 100% certainty I would.... I found my answer. So I am officially staying at Invisible Children until December, pioneering a new role within Movement and being given the chance to step into what I love. The road before me is unknown, I do know that it will be brilliant.

Brilliant because of the people I am about to meet, the stories yet to be created and told. In making my decision to stay I realized how could I even question whether it was right? I asked God to direct me, to open the doors, to help me find something that answered the call in my heart. He pursued me when I had forgotten what that felt like, and in turn has daily blown me away. Living a life that demands explanation, striving for authenticity, and being on the front lines of redefining this generation....that takes being prepared to do the uncomfortable.

The other day I had a wonderful conversation with someone I've only met briefly. It never ceases to amaze me how many of us (especially mid-twenties) feel this restlessness in our hearts, knowing it's time to shake things up but not necessarily knowing how or when. I wonder if everyone feels it? So many are able to sit back and let life pass in the most normal of ways. But then there are the ones that can never quite get away from the feeling of knowing there is more, wanting to find it, scared to jump, never quite able to shake it. Ultimately we either dive headfirst into the unknown or risk never meeting our true destiny, our true selves.

There is something incredibly special that lies within the hearts of this generation. Compassion, awareness, a fight for what is right, and the courage to stand up and create change. Most don't even comprehend the power they hold, I am just beginning to grasp it. Can you imagine if we all answered that call? If each of us were to strive to reach our greatest potential?

The.world.would.change.

I am surrounded by those very human beings every day, and I know the change that happens when they are joined in force and cause. The power that comes from being united in fighting for something greater than ourselves, it produces...brilliance. Brilliance that is endless, that inspires and empowers those around us.

I hope that everyone has the courage to answer that call, prepared to be ruined so that your own destiny can follow suit. Your story is greater than you can imagine..... and it's happening right now, the rest waiting to be written.

May life lead you to your unexpected brilliance.

-S-

Growing up

I'm on a train ( my favorite form of transportation) from LA to San Diego from visiting an old friend from home. Catching up on our lives and recanting our youth made me remember all of the beautiful people that have been in my life. All of those moments that shaped who I am. I was so lucky to be apart of a group of people that were like family from middle school-high school. Even amidst youthful insecurities and all of the questions that plague you.....I was so very blessed for the people that were in my life at that time. This weekend I visited one of those people and was reminded of so much. Through those conversations filled with laughter and sarcasm of times gone by I realized how much I wasn't paying attention. Not paying attention to the little details about the people around me during those years. Part of being a teenager I am sure. Now i see how limited my awareness was. Even when you thought you were "aware of eveything"

I can't wait to see how those beautiful peoples lives unfold. In ten, twenty years it will be amazing to see the families, adventures, loves, failures and creation that will happen.

So to all of my dear old friends....thank you for being apart of my life. Thank you for your magic.

following the brave

I am constantly just amazed by the beauty and pain of life. It is this incredible journey, where we rise to the occasion and then have massive failures. Every single person's life experience is so different, sometimes I think about what it might be like to be in someone else's head, just for a day. To see life in a different perspective, how would that change how I see the world? More and more I am personally seeing that following the path of the unknown, and seeking a deeper purpose in life leads you to meet the most authentic people on this planet. There is common thread that runs through those that are willing to dare venture into this life of unknown. Where your success is not measure by others opinion of you but by the lives you protect. Waking up everyday with the mission of protecting others across the world is a heavy load but a worthy cause. I stumbled across this movie quote the other day....sums up where my life is headed...

‘I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo.
‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.’

- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Is it fair that I can sit in a coffee shop in absolute safety and solitude, and a girl my age in Central East Africa fears for her life? Or that a woman in Libya is raped by fifteen men and forcibly silenced? Is it fair....NO. I don't understand it, I can't even begin to comprehend it but if I was inactive in bringing change then I think on some level I am just as much to blame. If your not apart of the solution then you are apart of the problem. Ignorance is not an excuse anymore. We are living in intense times and it is our generations responsibility to set the tone of change. If we don't stand up for what is right and true....then who will? I am so embarrassingly guilty of living life in a bubble the last few years. I paid attention to what was happening in the world but did nothing to change any of it. I am paying attention now and have definitely realized that being proactive in change is crucial

Thankful that I am learning to jump first and fear later....because through doing that I believe change can come, and peace will be restored.

Catalyst West

Watch live streaming video from catalystbackstage at livestream.com

Set Fire To The Rain

First off....I am obsessed with Adele's new album '21'....if you haven't heard it....get it now, do it now, like right now. It will change your life (over dramatic but its.....insane)

Since I have been in San Diego words such as 'epic, mind blowing, life changing, etc' are having everyday usage. There isn't a limit to those words in this new part of my life. Two years ago I said everyone needed to have a summer in a place like Bar Harbor, that still rings true, but now more than anything I have to say everyone needs to find this. This being a place where your life has a purpose so far greater than yourself. Where you have no idea what will happen in a few months, but you know that your being gifted with a glimpse of what the purpose of life is. Where you are able to witness the beauty of humanity in all its forms. Where your voice has power and the willingness to go against the tide is celebrated, and not just that but encouraged. It is as if all of those moments that I felt unrest in my soul, a deep yearning to be apart of more, work for something greater than my limited exposure...... are finding a resting place. This is only the beginning but its exhilarating to know that it exists.


Yesterday I went to church for the first time in at least a year. It was a small gathering in a elementary school's auditorium. No fanfare, just simple beautiful people coming together to worship. My heart stirred in a way I haven't felt in a long, long time. Instinctively I tried to avoid it, but finally let it overwhelm me. Deep in my heart I heard ' I am finding you again'...... and whether that was a response to the call in my heart or the Creator making His presence known I don't know.

I do know that in being here I feel royally set up in the most amazing way possible.

How do I even begin to describe this past week......

Days filled with calling high schools, churches and colleges across the country booking venues for the screening of 'Tony', reaching out to contacts trying to build the excitement for this epic tour. A tour consisting of 1700 screenings, 17 teams, 50 states and over 500,000 people......pushing forth a movement to end a war.

On an average Wednesday night being given the opportunity to hear from Lt. Colonel Africano Mande of the SPLA and learning of his intense journey of fighting for freedom and a country to call his own. Then directly after being literally....completely....and utterly blown away by Jason Russell ( IC co-founder) with his insane wisdom and honesty. His words moving and freeing, but calling you to strive for a higher depth of authenticity with both yourself and the world. Oh .....and then..... just going to the San Diego airport with the entire IC team to pick up our 19 Ugandan advocates. Standing in the airport surrounded by these stunning people realizing that five years ago sitting in my dorm room watching the 'Rough Cut', in no way could I have imagined the depth I would be involved. I knew then that my heart was forever changed by the story but didn't know how it would alter my life.

I've literally been here one month, but I know that being faced with the issues of this conflict, and the depth of education that I now have, there is no way I can ever turn away. That life will never be the same.....that its getting 'wrecked' in the best way possible.

So that was my week......well just a a small part of it...
to those I haven't had a chance to talk to ...I LOVE YOU!

....more to come...... <3>

Jump First...Fear Later

"Jump First Fear Later" is going to be my new motto for life...completely adopted from the IC values! I spent exactly two months at home visiting friends and family.....there were times that were both wonderful and painful, but all in all it was great to see the people I love. In those two months I spent a lot of time soul searching, doors were closing left and right. I didn't understand what was happening (and I still don't really)....but I felt as if my life was about to change in a huge way. Two weeks ago I received a call from Invisible Children, a non profit organization that I have cared deeply for over the past five years. If you haven't heard of them go to www.invisiblechildren.com and let yourself be blown away by their mission. They called and asked if I would want to come and be a Movement Intern until May and without hesitation I said YES!! Some may think I am out of my bloody mind, volunteering full time until May, working towards ending the war in Uganda and preventing further conflict in DR Congo. But there was not a question in my mind that I had to be apart of their efforts. I have been in San Diego a little over a week, working and living with 63 people and totally out my comfort zone. There are not words to explain how totally...incredibly...awesome these people are. They are all from 19-30's and from all walks of life, but unified in this one passionate goal. IC is launching their twelfth national tour to screen their newest documentary Tony. It is the story of Tony ( who was featured in the first documentary) and follows his life and how he has been affected by the war in Uganda. It also shows the evolution of Invisible Children over the past eight years and the new initiatives that are happening in the DR Congo. This past week I have learned in depth the conflict happening in the DR Congo and how much needs to happen. Being faced with real problems, tangible suffering brings you to reality quickly and haltingly.

I felt as if my life and direction was about to change....now I have no doubt. I can't tell you how yet but its happening. In the past week I have been so humbled by the amount of love, compassion and humanity that flows through the people I am surrounded by. My heart already feels stretched and I can tell that this experience, unlike any before is going to radically alter my path. Feeling overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe it....

I had lunch Friday with some of the IC staff and sitting beside these people who have inspired me for years....and realizing that I am now apart of their work...... was mind blowing. But that revelation made me realize that now is the time to step up, and work harder than I ever have before. It is time to step into my full potential and use the gifts I have been given.


so excited for what is to come!

~Suz~

just stop & thnk

Do you sometimes wish you could have just a small glimpse into your future? just a moment....to know if the decisions you are making are leading you down a fulfilled road. The past few weeks that I have had off from everything have been very strange, or should I say strange in having nothing to do? It made me realize that I have never, ever had time quite like this before. Last week I got this awful sense of restlessness, which I expected to come quickly, but when it came.... then came the anxiety of not the "not knowing". Fortunately it passed and I remembered that this is precious time and time not to be wasted. It's profound how such a short time in your old life can quickly remind you why you fled it in the first place. That you leave somewhere, come back a stronger, more peaceful balanced version of yourself and the harsh reality of the present, the faint echo of the past can still your steps. But the call of the future pulls your heart, reminding you that....yes...your still breathing....and yes....your still you.

One could consider time like this a gift from the universe. A time to close unfinished chapters of life, in order to be able to continue on the path you are on that is your very own adventure. To close the book on the things that don't bring light into your world. Being in the middle of your past can show you how far you have come....and the amount of work ahead of you. The work you have to do to ensure that the past doesn't dictate the future. Coming home has also brought back those sweet memories of old friends, and the confusion of growing up. When life was never necessarily simple, but held simpler times. Moments that touched your heart and are forever etched in your "story". People who may not be in your life anymore, but forever remain apart of the essence of who you are.

Recently I have felt this sense of wanting to feel more of life, to really live it. I'm frustrated with our culture and its focus on self. I want MORE.....I want to know what people are feeling, where they want their life to go, what they really care about, what they want from their lives. I don't think people are taking the time to stop and even consider that. I read a poem at the front of a book titled 'The Invitation' by Oriah. It is so strange because its everything that I have been thinking....
so let me share it with you......

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been open by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you sit with pain mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own.

If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul, if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's pretty everyday, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the Fall moon....."YES"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you can truly like the company you keep in the empty moments"

Oriah

"Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship - a play between divine grace and willful self-effort."

So....

The end of another season in Bar Harbor has come and saying goodbye this time was extremly difficult. With how much I have moved and transistioned in my life, I am normally good at handling goodbyes. The past two days (for me), I was a mess! I wish that everyone could have an experience(s) like I have had in Bar Harbor...at least just once in their life. To be able to have both beautiful surroundings and meet incredible people from everywhere is such a gift. But also the how you are stretched and pulled as a person, shows you alot about who you are. It's a life experience that everyone needs to have. This season brought a complete new set of memories and friends. I was able to spend two incredible months with my little sister, precious time that I will always cherish. A few of my very best friends and my Mom and Gina were able to come and visit and experience this place I love.

There were to many wonderful moments to list all of them....from great dinners with friends, quiet time with my sister, working with the neatest people in the world, learning about myself and just taking to time to breathe.

I believe that self discovery is a life-long process ( or at least that is how it feels in your twenties) but this past six months I have learned alot about myself. I learned that when you get a phone call that shakes your universe you have no way of preparing yourself for how you will react. That when you get news that could forever change your life, the thought of losing someone you love....it makes you stop. Completely freeze, stop breathing and you feel suspended in time. Everything in you wants to shut down and just not think about it. It's in those moments that you really see what you are made of. I've also learned that it's ok to draw boundaries in your life. That when someone crosses the line to many times in your life, its OK to say "enough". Because at the end of the day its your responsibility to create a happy, healthy life. That sometimes your willingness to constantly grant grace is taken advantage of, and in order to preserve your own happiness you have to walk away.

Leaving this season, I am entering a completly unknown period in my life, which is terrifying and exciting at the same time! I can't wait to see where the next few months will lead. Where I will be, the people I will meet and how life will change. Looking into my life I am forever humbled at the wonderful people that are apart of it. I may not know where things are going, but I have a group of people around me that make life a happier place.

So here's to finding your destiny.....<3