Catalyst West

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Set Fire To The Rain

First off....I am obsessed with Adele's new album '21'....if you haven't heard it....get it now, do it now, like right now. It will change your life (over dramatic but its.....insane)

Since I have been in San Diego words such as 'epic, mind blowing, life changing, etc' are having everyday usage. There isn't a limit to those words in this new part of my life. Two years ago I said everyone needed to have a summer in a place like Bar Harbor, that still rings true, but now more than anything I have to say everyone needs to find this. This being a place where your life has a purpose so far greater than yourself. Where you have no idea what will happen in a few months, but you know that your being gifted with a glimpse of what the purpose of life is. Where you are able to witness the beauty of humanity in all its forms. Where your voice has power and the willingness to go against the tide is celebrated, and not just that but encouraged. It is as if all of those moments that I felt unrest in my soul, a deep yearning to be apart of more, work for something greater than my limited exposure...... are finding a resting place. This is only the beginning but its exhilarating to know that it exists.


Yesterday I went to church for the first time in at least a year. It was a small gathering in a elementary school's auditorium. No fanfare, just simple beautiful people coming together to worship. My heart stirred in a way I haven't felt in a long, long time. Instinctively I tried to avoid it, but finally let it overwhelm me. Deep in my heart I heard ' I am finding you again'...... and whether that was a response to the call in my heart or the Creator making His presence known I don't know.

I do know that in being here I feel royally set up in the most amazing way possible.

How do I even begin to describe this past week......

Days filled with calling high schools, churches and colleges across the country booking venues for the screening of 'Tony', reaching out to contacts trying to build the excitement for this epic tour. A tour consisting of 1700 screenings, 17 teams, 50 states and over 500,000 people......pushing forth a movement to end a war.

On an average Wednesday night being given the opportunity to hear from Lt. Colonel Africano Mande of the SPLA and learning of his intense journey of fighting for freedom and a country to call his own. Then directly after being literally....completely....and utterly blown away by Jason Russell ( IC co-founder) with his insane wisdom and honesty. His words moving and freeing, but calling you to strive for a higher depth of authenticity with both yourself and the world. Oh .....and then..... just going to the San Diego airport with the entire IC team to pick up our 19 Ugandan advocates. Standing in the airport surrounded by these stunning people realizing that five years ago sitting in my dorm room watching the 'Rough Cut', in no way could I have imagined the depth I would be involved. I knew then that my heart was forever changed by the story but didn't know how it would alter my life.

I've literally been here one month, but I know that being faced with the issues of this conflict, and the depth of education that I now have, there is no way I can ever turn away. That life will never be the same.....that its getting 'wrecked' in the best way possible.

So that was my week......well just a a small part of it...
to those I haven't had a chance to talk to ...I LOVE YOU!

....more to come...... <3>

Jump First...Fear Later

"Jump First Fear Later" is going to be my new motto for life...completely adopted from the IC values! I spent exactly two months at home visiting friends and family.....there were times that were both wonderful and painful, but all in all it was great to see the people I love. In those two months I spent a lot of time soul searching, doors were closing left and right. I didn't understand what was happening (and I still don't really)....but I felt as if my life was about to change in a huge way. Two weeks ago I received a call from Invisible Children, a non profit organization that I have cared deeply for over the past five years. If you haven't heard of them go to www.invisiblechildren.com and let yourself be blown away by their mission. They called and asked if I would want to come and be a Movement Intern until May and without hesitation I said YES!! Some may think I am out of my bloody mind, volunteering full time until May, working towards ending the war in Uganda and preventing further conflict in DR Congo. But there was not a question in my mind that I had to be apart of their efforts. I have been in San Diego a little over a week, working and living with 63 people and totally out my comfort zone. There are not words to explain how totally...incredibly...awesome these people are. They are all from 19-30's and from all walks of life, but unified in this one passionate goal. IC is launching their twelfth national tour to screen their newest documentary Tony. It is the story of Tony ( who was featured in the first documentary) and follows his life and how he has been affected by the war in Uganda. It also shows the evolution of Invisible Children over the past eight years and the new initiatives that are happening in the DR Congo. This past week I have learned in depth the conflict happening in the DR Congo and how much needs to happen. Being faced with real problems, tangible suffering brings you to reality quickly and haltingly.

I felt as if my life and direction was about to change....now I have no doubt. I can't tell you how yet but its happening. In the past week I have been so humbled by the amount of love, compassion and humanity that flows through the people I am surrounded by. My heart already feels stretched and I can tell that this experience, unlike any before is going to radically alter my path. Feeling overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe it....

I had lunch Friday with some of the IC staff and sitting beside these people who have inspired me for years....and realizing that I am now apart of their work...... was mind blowing. But that revelation made me realize that now is the time to step up, and work harder than I ever have before. It is time to step into my full potential and use the gifts I have been given.


so excited for what is to come!

~Suz~

just stop & thnk

Do you sometimes wish you could have just a small glimpse into your future? just a moment....to know if the decisions you are making are leading you down a fulfilled road. The past few weeks that I have had off from everything have been very strange, or should I say strange in having nothing to do? It made me realize that I have never, ever had time quite like this before. Last week I got this awful sense of restlessness, which I expected to come quickly, but when it came.... then came the anxiety of not the "not knowing". Fortunately it passed and I remembered that this is precious time and time not to be wasted. It's profound how such a short time in your old life can quickly remind you why you fled it in the first place. That you leave somewhere, come back a stronger, more peaceful balanced version of yourself and the harsh reality of the present, the faint echo of the past can still your steps. But the call of the future pulls your heart, reminding you that....yes...your still breathing....and yes....your still you.

One could consider time like this a gift from the universe. A time to close unfinished chapters of life, in order to be able to continue on the path you are on that is your very own adventure. To close the book on the things that don't bring light into your world. Being in the middle of your past can show you how far you have come....and the amount of work ahead of you. The work you have to do to ensure that the past doesn't dictate the future. Coming home has also brought back those sweet memories of old friends, and the confusion of growing up. When life was never necessarily simple, but held simpler times. Moments that touched your heart and are forever etched in your "story". People who may not be in your life anymore, but forever remain apart of the essence of who you are.

Recently I have felt this sense of wanting to feel more of life, to really live it. I'm frustrated with our culture and its focus on self. I want MORE.....I want to know what people are feeling, where they want their life to go, what they really care about, what they want from their lives. I don't think people are taking the time to stop and even consider that. I read a poem at the front of a book titled 'The Invitation' by Oriah. It is so strange because its everything that I have been thinking....
so let me share it with you......

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been open by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you sit with pain mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own.

If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul, if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's pretty everyday, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the Fall moon....."YES"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you can truly like the company you keep in the empty moments"

Oriah

"Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship - a play between divine grace and willful self-effort."

So....

The end of another season in Bar Harbor has come and saying goodbye this time was extremly difficult. With how much I have moved and transistioned in my life, I am normally good at handling goodbyes. The past two days (for me), I was a mess! I wish that everyone could have an experience(s) like I have had in Bar Harbor...at least just once in their life. To be able to have both beautiful surroundings and meet incredible people from everywhere is such a gift. But also the how you are stretched and pulled as a person, shows you alot about who you are. It's a life experience that everyone needs to have. This season brought a complete new set of memories and friends. I was able to spend two incredible months with my little sister, precious time that I will always cherish. A few of my very best friends and my Mom and Gina were able to come and visit and experience this place I love.

There were to many wonderful moments to list all of them....from great dinners with friends, quiet time with my sister, working with the neatest people in the world, learning about myself and just taking to time to breathe.

I believe that self discovery is a life-long process ( or at least that is how it feels in your twenties) but this past six months I have learned alot about myself. I learned that when you get a phone call that shakes your universe you have no way of preparing yourself for how you will react. That when you get news that could forever change your life, the thought of losing someone you love....it makes you stop. Completely freeze, stop breathing and you feel suspended in time. Everything in you wants to shut down and just not think about it. It's in those moments that you really see what you are made of. I've also learned that it's ok to draw boundaries in your life. That when someone crosses the line to many times in your life, its OK to say "enough". Because at the end of the day its your responsibility to create a happy, healthy life. That sometimes your willingness to constantly grant grace is taken advantage of, and in order to preserve your own happiness you have to walk away.

Leaving this season, I am entering a completly unknown period in my life, which is terrifying and exciting at the same time! I can't wait to see where the next few months will lead. Where I will be, the people I will meet and how life will change. Looking into my life I am forever humbled at the wonderful people that are apart of it. I may not know where things are going, but I have a group of people around me that make life a happier place.

So here's to finding your destiny.....<3

Airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars...

Last weekend I flew home for Sarah's high school graduation....it was even more important because the whole family was going to be together....and who knows when that will happen again with all of us dispersing all over the country! Three days in SW FL in June made me remember all over again why I am not a fan of the state... especially in summer...phewww was it hot!!! It was a great few days though....catching up with everyone and celebrating Sarah's big day. My favorite part of the weekend was when Jules and Chris told us about their adventure to Africa....although I stayed in touch via email the whole time with Jules, its different hearing the stories firsthand....and oooo the pictures were incredible! Just seeing those unbelievable shots on their safari, their hike through the Impenetrable Forest (with fuzzy baby gorillas), the view from the hotel in Serengeti.....makes me want to travel there even more.

On Monday when Sarah and I were about to leave for Bar Harbor we all went to grab coffee 9and of course tea)....together and sitting there looking at my family I just couldn't believe how far we had come. My little sisters were turning into these beautiful young woman, Julie is married and writing her own adventure, Mom is about to enter the quietest time of her life ;) I am so blessed to be apart of these women.....my sisters and I..although VERY different have formed a bond over the years that I can;t imagine my life without them.

We are all definitely entering a new chapter in our lives and within our family....but the prospects of whats in our stories is extremely exciting!