Monday, December 6, 2010

just stop & thnk

Do you sometimes wish you could have just a small glimpse into your future? just a know if the decisions you are making are leading you down a fulfilled road. The past few weeks that I have had off from everything have been very strange, or should I say strange in having nothing to do? It made me realize that I have never, ever had time quite like this before. Last week I got this awful sense of restlessness, which I expected to come quickly, but when it came.... then came the anxiety of not the "not knowing". Fortunately it passed and I remembered that this is precious time and time not to be wasted. It's profound how such a short time in your old life can quickly remind you why you fled it in the first place. That you leave somewhere, come back a stronger, more peaceful balanced version of yourself and the harsh reality of the present, the faint echo of the past can still your steps. But the call of the future pulls your heart, reminding you that....yes...your still breathing....and yes....your still you.

One could consider time like this a gift from the universe. A time to close unfinished chapters of life, in order to be able to continue on the path you are on that is your very own adventure. To close the book on the things that don't bring light into your world. Being in the middle of your past can show you how far you have come....and the amount of work ahead of you. The work you have to do to ensure that the past doesn't dictate the future. Coming home has also brought back those sweet memories of old friends, and the confusion of growing up. When life was never necessarily simple, but held simpler times. Moments that touched your heart and are forever etched in your "story". People who may not be in your life anymore, but forever remain apart of the essence of who you are.

Recently I have felt this sense of wanting to feel more of life, to really live it. I'm frustrated with our culture and its focus on self. I want MORE.....I want to know what people are feeling, where they want their life to go, what they really care about, what they want from their lives. I don't think people are taking the time to stop and even consider that. I read a poem at the front of a book titled 'The Invitation' by Oriah. It is so strange because its everything that I have been thinking....
so let me share it with you......

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been open by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you sit with pain mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own.

If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul, if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's pretty everyday, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the Fall moon....."YES"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you can truly like the company you keep in the empty moments"

Sunday, November 7, 2010

"Destiny, I feel, is also a relationship - a play between divine grace and willful self-effort."


The end of another season in Bar Harbor has come and saying goodbye this time was extremly difficult. With how much I have moved and transistioned in my life, I am normally good at handling goodbyes. The past two days (for me), I was a mess! I wish that everyone could have an experience(s) like I have had in Bar least just once in their life. To be able to have both beautiful surroundings and meet incredible people from everywhere is such a gift. But also the how you are stretched and pulled as a person, shows you alot about who you are. It's a life experience that everyone needs to have. This season brought a complete new set of memories and friends. I was able to spend two incredible months with my little sister, precious time that I will always cherish. A few of my very best friends and my Mom and Gina were able to come and visit and experience this place I love.

There were to many wonderful moments to list all of them....from great dinners with friends, quiet time with my sister, working with the neatest people in the world, learning about myself and just taking to time to breathe.

I believe that self discovery is a life-long process ( or at least that is how it feels in your twenties) but this past six months I have learned alot about myself. I learned that when you get a phone call that shakes your universe you have no way of preparing yourself for how you will react. That when you get news that could forever change your life, the thought of losing someone you makes you stop. Completely freeze, stop breathing and you feel suspended in time. Everything in you wants to shut down and just not think about it. It's in those moments that you really see what you are made of. I've also learned that it's ok to draw boundaries in your life. That when someone crosses the line to many times in your life, its OK to say "enough". Because at the end of the day its your responsibility to create a happy, healthy life. That sometimes your willingness to constantly grant grace is taken advantage of, and in order to preserve your own happiness you have to walk away.

Leaving this season, I am entering a completly unknown period in my life, which is terrifying and exciting at the same time! I can't wait to see where the next few months will lead. Where I will be, the people I will meet and how life will change. Looking into my life I am forever humbled at the wonderful people that are apart of it. I may not know where things are going, but I have a group of people around me that make life a happier place.

So here's to finding your destiny.....<3

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars...

Last weekend I flew home for Sarah's high school was even more important because the whole family was going to be together....and who knows when that will happen again with all of us dispersing all over the country! Three days in SW FL in June made me remember all over again why I am not a fan of the state... especially in summer...phewww was it hot!!! It was a great few days though....catching up with everyone and celebrating Sarah's big day. My favorite part of the weekend was when Jules and Chris told us about their adventure to Africa....although I stayed in touch via email the whole time with Jules, its different hearing the stories firsthand....and oooo the pictures were incredible! Just seeing those unbelievable shots on their safari, their hike through the Impenetrable Forest (with fuzzy baby gorillas), the view from the hotel in Serengeti.....makes me want to travel there even more.

On Monday when Sarah and I were about to leave for Bar Harbor we all went to grab coffee 9and of course tea)....together and sitting there looking at my family I just couldn't believe how far we had come. My little sisters were turning into these beautiful young woman, Julie is married and writing her own adventure, Mom is about to enter the quietest time of her life ;) I am so blessed to be apart of these sisters and I..although VERY different have formed a bond over the years that I can;t imagine my life without them.

We are all definitely entering a new chapter in our lives and within our family....but the prospects of whats in our stories is extremely exciting!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


I've been thinking it would be fun to only drink wines that have funky 'Cupcake' and 'Fat Bastard' (those are legitimate wines by the way) ....who knows I might just find my favorite one that way...which of course is vitally important to life

thats all :)

Monday, May 17, 2010

Bar Harbor...Round 2

Back To Paradise!

Im here!! Bar Harbor that is....and after six months away Im absolutely thrilled to be back. Its crazy to think that a year ago I was just arriving here and not knowing what my experience would be like. A year later, this place and these people have become apart of me. This year I was given a new posistion working as the assistant to Human Resources and Accounting....which is a far cry from what I have been doing for the past 4 1/2 years. The past two weeks that I've been back have flown by, trying to learn my new job and being at the start of another season....but there is never a dull moment, which is probably part of the reason I enjoy being here so much. Beside's being in one of the most beautiful places in the country, I get to work with awesome individuals everyday.

Being back for a second a way felt like coming home. I guess its safe to say that I sort of fell in love with Maine :)

The restaraunts are incredible.....the nature is out of this world....and there is something so fundamentally down to earth about this place thats its like a breath of fresh air. It may sound cliche but its how life should be....

In a month, my sister Sarah is coming to spend two months working up here. To say the least...I CANT WAIT :) Having family here for a bit will make my season here even more phenominal. Two of my best friends are coming in July ( which Ive already starting planning our Iteniary)

I know most people in my life are a little tired of hearing how much I love being in Bar Harbor....but to you people....I think you should just come visit :)

<3 <3

Monday, March 8, 2010

Tequila & Salt

Have you ever had one of those just wonderful days alone? A day when nothing seems too overwhelming and all there is just you and whatever you choose to do with the minutes that compose it? That was my day :) Lately I have had so much on my mind, which in turn is affecting my much loved time of sleep (which never happens....i LOVE sleep) When I woke up today my mind, although still processing a thousand things, was peaceful and in turn I was able to just take a deep breath. The past few weeks I have just realized every day how incredibly blessed I am in this life. I look at the intricate parts of my life and see how loved I am....all the pieces (people) that make me who I am are simply....phenomenal. ( I realize too that I dont tell those people often enough) For whatever reason God just continues to put fantastic people in my path...I love when precious new people enter your life..ones that you have the feeling will be around for a long time. I have always been blessed...even during hard times...and Ive just been reminded how many truly wonderful people I have been given to share this life with

Today I started reading the book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert...and Im a 1/4 of the way into it and its a stellar book. Ive always been able to immediately immerse myself into a good lose myself in whatever the story is and fly through it...while still getting the full experience. This is the first book Ive ever read...that I want to slow it down. It is a self biography about a woman who spent a year in Indonesia, India and Italy in order to find the perfect balance of life for herself. After heartbreak and really spend the time finding her sense of the divine and what life's purpose is. I have really connected to the book and am loving taking it slow so I can process the different things that come up by reading it.

I'm COUNTING DOWN the weeks I have left till I have another season in Bar Harbor... Although there will be a lot of work and time away from my family.....I fell in love with BH...and the NE last year. Going in this time I have a list of places to go and see....and for the first time ever I will have a pretty set schedule so I can plan my mini adventures.(Itin is back) The biggest highlight is my sister Sarah is supposed to be coming after her graduation to work up there.... I get her for two whole months!

I hope this finds you in a place where you feel loved and life is full of happiness...if so treasure it....if this finds you a little blue remember there is always someone in this world that thinks of you at the end of their day...and someone you don't even know exists...already loves you

<3 <3 <3

p.s. if your wondering about my title....I heard this neat saying i now love.."if life gives you lemons...ask for tequila & salt" ...sounds good to me

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Set Fire To The Third Bar

Today I am feeling very sister Julie is volunteering in Uganda with Doctor's for Global Health. Reading her updates of what she is doing over there...really gives you a reality check.
Hospitals with little or no medicine, staff and supplies....parents who dont understand or dont have the ability to properly care for their children. A viscous cycle that can never really be ended until the world steps into countries like Uganda and makes a difference. We are so clueless in our little bubble of reality...we (myself included) think about what else we can get for ourselves. How to make our life more fun or comfortable. Not in a selfish way, just in the way that our society perpetuates us to think. For example since the devastation in Haiti Ive heard people refuse flat out to not give to Haiti because ..."why should we help them?" ....even if your poor in America you are still a man of riches in a country like Uganda or Haiti. Our way of thinking of is so distorted....and it is something I know as a person I want to work on. Maybe I wont be able to fly around the world and make a huge difference...but I can everyday in small just takes a conscious effort....

If your in FL ...enjoy the beautiful cool weather :)